Why is the child shy? Causes, peculiarities of behavior, recommendations to parents
One of the basic human needs isneed for communication and recognition. In a shy person, the need to communicate causes certain difficulties. What is natural for others naturally becomes a problem for him. He is uncomfortable asking for help, establishing contacts with new people, he can feel strong stiffness and embarrassment while in society. Excessively shy there are adults and children. Age feature in a child in some cases goes into a stable character trait.
Why is the child shy?
In some periods of growth and development shythere are all children, although the degree of manifestation of this property they have different. For example, girls are more likely to be shy than boys. This is due to their gender and the characteristics of upbringing. Sometimes children outgrow the "shy" age, and the character remains the same. A preschooler is afraid to look up at an adult or ask for something for himself. The schoolboy hesitates to raise his hand at the lesson, the teenager does not dare to get acquainted with a peer of the opposite sex, for fear of refusal. Parents and relatives need to know why the child is very shy and how to help him.
At the age of 8 months, babies begin to experience"Fear of a stranger", which is a psychologically grounded stage of growing up. Relatives and acquaintances, to whom the children before went quietly in their arms, are often discouraged. Do not worry and sound an alarm - it's not shy. So the kid grows up, beginning to feel his autonomy.
From one year to three years, the child trusts relatives andwell-known. Strangers make him uneasy and embarrassed. The question, why the child is shy, should not worry the parents of such a baby. Mother and father teach him to get acquainted and settle in a new environment, instilling in confidence confidence by his presence and support.
In three years or a little later, most babiesbegins to attend kindergarten. Some youngsters quietly get used to the situation, others are still too early to change something in their lives. There are boys and girls who are not categorically contraindicated due to their nature and upbringing. For a shy baby, the new situation is stress. How can I ask for help, state my needs, if the teacher is one (or two), and there are a lot of children?
Did the little one go to school? Here he first sits at his desk, then becomes a teenager, a high school student. Too obvious manifestation of restraint and indecision at this age indicates that the child is suffering. It is difficult for him to show spontaneity and activity, to get acquainted with other children. It's hard to say "no" or to insist on your own. The need to adapt to other people's ideas and dependence on their assessments hinders the development of one's own abilities and the search for a personal vocation.
What if the child is too shy, ohwhat can his insecurity and fear say, how can parents help a son or daughter overcome a negative experience that prevents breathing in full? Is it necessary to try to "rebuild" the baby, if he is shy by nature? These questions always worried the parents. The answer to them lies in the individual characteristics of the minor: character, temperament, education, environment, the situation in the house and so on. You can help the children, but parents need to understand the main thing: the well-being of the child depends to a large extent on them.
The formation of internal confidence depends onmany factors. Modesty and shyness can be a manifestation of an innate temperament or determined by the influence of the family environment in which a small person lives. Timid parents dream of a brisk and mischievous son, and they have a shy child growing up. The reasons for shyness are obvious, where does the crumb become determined if his parents are timid and do not know how to stand up for themselves?
Control or permissiveness
Control parents often broadcastexcessive rigor and authoritarian approach to education. The child is surrounded by obsessive attention and care, every step is checked. Parents of this type are self-centered and focused on external evaluation. Their child should be the best, his real inner world of adults is not interested. Instead of empathy - criticism and evaluation. Instead of sincere interest - a reference to the successes and abilities of other children.
The opposite side of control, this excessiveindulgence. Absence of clear boundaries and lack of emotional support are its main features. The result of such "upbringing" is extremely similar to the result of a drill with predominant control. The kid perceives himself as weak and insignificant, suffers from a sense of guilt. Controlling parents and adults with an indulging style of upbringing may be concerned about why the child is shy, but, unfortunately, they rarely understand that the reason is themselves.
"But these are the conditions ..."
Separately, it is necessary to distinguish the influence of the unfavorablefamilies. Perhaps in such a related environment there is violence, or parents suffer from alcoholism. There are many options. Children from such families are sure that the world is unsafe, and they do not deserve a good relationship. The feeling of awkwardness for his family poisons their lives and makes them shrink from shame. Also, the formation of a healthy structure of the "I" is endangered by those children who have lost their parents or were early cut off from their mother.
If the child is shy ... Tips for parents
It is necessary to change the approach to the baby. Help close and trusting relationships. It is worth learning how to use the techniques of active listening and "I-sayings" in a conversation. Do not admire the child for any reason, but for real, albeit small achievements should be praised. It is useful to entrust responsible affairs and to thank for their implementation. Talking must be respected, even if the baby is in front of an adult. You can not raise your voice to a child and compare it with other children. Let him make sure that it is important in itself, as it is, then his self-esteem will begin to strengthen.
Fathers often even more than mothers worry thatthey have a shy child growing up. "What should I do?" They ask, especially when it comes to the boy. Fathers of sons need to understand that courage and determination will not appear at will or at the will of an adult. To form such character traits, the child needs parental support. The father should always be on the side of his baby, do not scold him for cowardice, but defend, be a support. Then the child will gradually overcome his timidity and in the future will become courageous and courageous, like Dad.
The personality of each person is unique. Children are no exception. Parents make mistakes, spending energy and time to "remake" a small person. He will never exactly meet expectations, because he has his own way. Wise parents do not cherish the dreams of an ideal baby, they are attentive to their real children, they know their needs and come to help when necessary. They know why the child is shy or too active, because they are responsive to any of his features. In an atmosphere of trust and friendship, even flowers are revealed, so the main advice to adults is to treat children seriously and respectfully. And do not forget that their happiness and well-being are in your hands.